Horse Cure

11. February 2007

With my energy levels hitting rock bottom this week I found myself actually eating Richie’s carrots in between riding him and the mare. Just for the record I have run out of the ones we buy in bulk from the carrot man so they were in fact luxury carrots nicked out of the fridge. Saying that I probably would have eaten the other ones too at that point.

So why is it that Richie appears to be getting fitter and chirpier by the day whilst I feel more and more ready for some quiet nursing home? Clearly I am doing a better job with his fittening regime than with mine. The other day I spent a good hour and a half on him and he came out the next morning looking like he had not done a thing all week, making the housewives scatter and go all pale as he launched himself into the indoor school. For some reason I seemed to be the only one affected by the previous day’s battle. Even those stomach muscles down the side that all these crazy aerobic instructors insist that you have actually hurt, so suppose I should just be grateful I have found them at last.

And I suppose I should be pleased that Richie is obviously feeling so well because it means that I must be doing something right. My constant worry about feeding him correctly and him eating enough seems somewhat a bit unnecessary the way he is acting. So the other day I put down the horse vitamin supplement, left the saddlery and went and bought some vitamins for me instead, hoping it might even the odds out a little bit.

Not that I have felt any benefit from them yet. In fact I came down with the flu two days later. I probably should have got the horse vitamins actually –for me that is. A proper horse dosage might have done the trick. But then again if I had managed my own eating regime as strictly as I do Richie’s I might be bouncing about the place too. But although the alfalfa he gets is excellent quality and smells very nice I am not sure I would want it for breakfast. And I am not too keen on the energy cubes either. When I worked in England we always made boiled barley for the out ponies in the winter and standing in the feedroom at 7.30 with only half a cup of coffee in me I was often tempted by the delicious smell. Not that I actually ever really resorted to eating horse feed. I mean Fat Steve’s cooking was pretty bad, but even his recycled macaroni cheese was slightly more tempting than sugar beet. Mind you I don’t know about his vegetable cannelloni…

But what I would do was use things like horse cooling gel on bruises and strains or plaiting tape to tie together my fingers when Nigel managed to break them. Kay apparently tried to snort bute once, but it was not all that successful I believe. According to our test woman it did not really lead to any favorable high but then again with bute being horse painkiller I don’t know what she actually expected. Likewise smoking haylage is not recommended but then most of us probably figured that one out without actually lighting up. What we can determine from this behaviour though is that it is not healthy to live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by just horses and other horsey people for too long.

But it seems like Kay might have been onto something because when reading the Guardian column Lost in Showbiz the other week I learned that the latest hot drug among the stars to keep the kilos away is called clenbuterol and is actually horse asthma medication. Well I don’t know… maybe if it could cure the cough I am developing. My boss suggested I should get some of that Tamiflu stuff because that’s what he is taking but I am sure that stuff is reserved for really old people and in case of bird flu. And I sure as hell haven’t got that. Wonder if it’s any good with horse flu though?

The funny thing is though that it does work the other way too. Last year the Olympic winner of the show jumping had his gold medal taken off him after his horse tested positive for a human drug used to treat schizophrenia. Well I can understand if the horse happened to wrongly get a horse drug like bute in its feed, but unless the rider or groom have serious issues what are the chances of the horse accidentally getting something like that into its system?

Either way my system needs recharging, but with the temperatures creeping back down this week I am not too hopeful. Everything is a lot more exhausting when you have to provide the body with energy to stay warm as well. Unfortunately the cold weather has the opposite effect on Richie, leading to him performing all sorts of unauthorized moves. So far I have stayed on, but one of these days he will have last word I am sure.