Although we are now well into January I still have an unopened pack of Christmas cards in my handbag. The purchase was a result of bad conscience spurred by actually receiving quite a few Christmas cards this year. But to tell the truth I knew full well that the chances of them actually being written and sent on time were slim to none. At least I am ready for next year, because chances are they will still be at the bottom of my bag in November.
As usual I had great ambitions of being very organised for Christmas this year. Everyone was going to get nice thoughtful presents and I was going to have a relaxed gay old yuletide for once.
Last year I came back from a riding/working- and drinking- holiday in the UK late on Little Christmas Eve and just had time to throw a dress in a bag and go off for family commitments on the 24th. The majority of my presents were bought in Heathrow and I spent most of the time between Christmas and New Year trying to catch up on sleep in various family settings. But this year it was going to be different. Cards would be sent, presents nicely wrapped, the house decorated, Christmas carols played, nice fires built and the Christmas spirit retrieved.
First the snow didn’t come. Then the horse got a bad back, I over booked my teaching and inspiration for the personalized Christmas presents refused to come. And when I finally decided to make a DVD slide show for my former housemates from our time living together the computer kept crashing and leaving me back at scratch. A few desperate shopping attempts gave little results –well few presents anyway, but I seemed to end up with all sorts of stuff for myself… Not very Christmassy somehow. So December had not managed to do anything about my selfishness this year either.
With increasingly bad conscience I threw myself into the shopping frenzy for real on the 22nd of December in between teaching and massaging the horse to try and at least ease her pain. There was just not time for the Christmas service I had planned to go to, but I managed to get the mare some Christmas carrots and clean the house for my grandparents without leaving work too early.
But what really annoyed me was that on top of everything some spaced out idiot has decided that on the 22nd of December everyone should have an Orgasm for World Peace at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I would like to see the person who had time for that… I did not quite catch how everyone having orgasms would help world peace, but it all sounds a bit selfish to me. Anyway, at 4 o’clock I was queuing in a completely overfilled shop trying to stop myself from hitting the woman who had just pushed her way into the queue in front of me. Certainly not my idea of a good time. And I could not see anyone else who were anywhere near an orgasm either.
It was a bit like the Credit Card Free Day they launched the first Saturday in December. Like that was going to happen. Or that whole Fuck for Forest business a few years ago. But not as bad as when Sharon Stone cried for all the poor people in the world when hosting the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony, after spending 300.000 Kroner on furs in Oslo a few hours earlier. "Just 27 dollars is enough to change someone's life," said Sharon with tears running down onto her Valentino dress. It’s actually legal to use your brain every now and again. Well at least it made my underwear purchase seem rather insignificant.
But despite ending up buying all the rest of the presents in one shop rather randomly and very last minute, not finishing the DVD and failing to have an orgasm at 4 o’clock on the 22nd to secure world peace, Christmas came and went and it was a pretty good one too.
Happy New Year anyway. I will definitely send everyone cards next year. I promise!
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